


Love is Not the Opposite of Hate

by The_Degu



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Angst, Barry is a human disaster, Episode: e060-066 The Stolen Century Parts 1-7, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Killing, Minor Character Death, Mutual Pining, Pre-Relationship, Sarcasm, but in a completely non romantic way, it isn't even close to 20 years yet, just kind of friends that love each other a lot, kind of, lup is a good friend, no romance in the usual way, pre lichdom, they don't know they're in love yet
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-09
Updated: 2018-04-14
Packaged: 2019-04-20 14:30:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,532
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14263062
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Degu/pseuds/The_Degu
Summary: Barry is the lover everyone knows that. He loves everyone and everything he meets and understands, but when a cycle goes wrong, and he is forced to do something no one should have to do, it nearly shatters his love. It forces him to understand this aspect of himself beyond the surface level he is used to, and he almost loses himself in the prosses.





	1. Chapter 1

Barry is a lover; it is his whole deal. He was made to love everyone and everything. It isn't like he doesn't dislike people or places or things. hell, he even hates some things.

He hates the Hunger, abusers, and days that reach over ninety degrees with no clouds, but he also loves them. Specific things he can hate, but things as a whole, people, places, the weather, he loves. It isn't like a single scale with Hate and love at different ends. They are two completely deferent things, sure they can each be stronger or weaker, and if he has a strong dislike of a thing he probably loves it less, but that isn't always true.

Some might find this juvenile or misinformed, but Barry makes I a point to understand the whole situation before deseeding how much of his love he is willing to give to it. That is one of the reasons he became a scientist, to understand things so that he can put his love in the right places. Though right now, he wants to give less than a tenth of a percent of his love. He wants to hate everything he stands for, and everything he has seen and everything he has become but can't; he can't NOT love.

right now Barry feels numb all over b overflowing with emotions at the same time. He feels his magic flowing through his veins, but at the same time, it feels snapped like his wand laying on the floor. He feels so cold and almost dead, but aware of his life all at the same time. It is just too overwhelming as he sits on his bed holding his head in his hands not knowing what to do with himself.

 


	2. Chapter 2

 

Lup walks through the cabin of the Starblaster. A tray of food in hand, but the leftovers she carries aren’t for her. Barry hasn’t left his room for two days. Sure, in any other world This might not be an odd occurrence, but she knows it isn’t for the usual reasons.  Barry has been different since they tried to get the light of creation this cycle, he locked himself in his room as soon as they got back empty handed. Lup knew why but doesn’t like thinking about it. It isn’t the first time something had gone sidewise during the retrieval, but it was defiantly one of the worst.

The person that found the light before the Starblaster crew was the tyrant ruler of the planet. A wicked woman that rules with an iron fist, who subjugates her people to horrible conditions, that Lup would have thought impossible if she didn't see it with her own eyes. The world feels like something out of a YA novel. The entire society is based on hunting for sport, but the planet had run out of animals centuries ago. So, people hunted other people for gain.  Ninety percent of the populous lives in complete fear of the other ten percent who are equipped to hunt.

Everyone had taken these past few months hard, with Barry seeming to take it the worst. He barely left the ship once they figured out this world’s deal. He just couldn’t stand the pain and suffering around him here, he seemed to feel the people around him and their need, but he is unable to help them. Though, When they found the Light at the capital, he agreed, to go with the group to talk to the leader. Lup didn't ask him why he wanted to come, but Barry said something about needing to make up his mind as they left. 

Four of them went, Taako, Barry, Magnus and herself to the only peaceful place on the planet, where people lived in some amount of safety. Though, that didn't mean that the crew was safe walking to the large well-kept building. Barry didn’t talk while they were negotiating, he stood there white-knuckled and tense. The whole ordeal went as bad as they could have expected from this horrible society. The guards were turning on them within half an hour of the talks; as soon as the queen decided that she “liked the way the elves would have looked on her mantelpiece”.

Everything happened so quickly. Lup and Taako were taking potshots at anyone in their way. Magnus kept the huge doors from closing on them. One of the guards grabbed Lup as they ran, and barry killed them. He cast a disintegration spell, truing the guard to ask with a simple wave of his wand. He didn’t even think when he cast it, he just let the spell fly; with a full fight or flight instinct the only thing going through his head. Lup would have been impressed if they weren’t running for their lives.

When they got back to the ship empty handed, there was an air of disappointment.  Taako broke his wrist in the fight. Magnus had a pretty bad gash in his side where a guard got a lucky hit, but everyone was alive, And that is more than Lup could ask for this year going so poorly.

So here is Lup now two days later, standing outside Barry’s room. Food in one hand, and her other raised to knock on the door.  No one responds when she does knock. So she pushes in when she finds that the door is unlocked. the room is dark, and the only sound is the stifled sobs from barry.  Lup at any other time she would have rushed over to Barry to comfort him but does take a moment to take in the room.

She would never call Barry’s room tidy, but today it looked like a bomb went off in it.  Papers and notes are spread all over every surface. His few belongings that are usually well kept on the top shelf are now on the floor, a few of them shattered and broken.  The small amount of scientific equipment he keeps in his room is disheveled and looks a little less then safe laying scattered across the tables.

 Even with all of the clutter and chaos Barry is the main thing that catches her attention. He is sitting on his bed facing the door, but his head is in his hands. Sobs wrack his body and she shakes with exhaustion. Lup can’t see his face but she can guess what it looks like, she doubts that he has had any sleep since coming back to the Starblaster, and she knows he hasn’t come to the kitchen since arriving.

When Lup is looking at Barry she sees his glasses sitting next to him on the bed. She isn’t sure if they were cracked during the fight or if it happened in the last couple of days. Though that doesn’t matter much with one of the lenses almost completely shattered beyond repair, and the other one not that much better. Lup wonders briefly why Barry hasn’t used mend on them, but her question is quickly answered when she takes a step forward and feels something under her foot.  She knows she didn’t step on it that hard so when she sees the snapped wand on the floor she knows that it wasn’t her.

She clears her throat slightly and walks up to Barry before saying “I brought you some food. It’s just some leftovers but I thought you might like it.”

Barry uncovers his face but doesn’t look up when he shakes his head. She just looks at him for a minute interlay debating with what to in this situation. She looks back over to the wand and says in a light voice “did ya try to cast something big? I’ve had a few wands shatter in my time too.”

Barry simply shakes his head again before saying in an unnaturally small voce “I snapped it. I couldn’t look at it anymore, s-so I snapped it in half.”

Lup slowly nods, trying to understand the situation. She is still standing awkwardly in the middle of the room the large tray still in her hands, her mind going a million miles a minute. She goes over to a nearby table and shuffles a few things out of the way so she has a place to put the tray, giving herself enough time to find at least a little something to say. As she puts it down she says calmly over her shoulder “do you want me to repair your glasses for you?”

She can’t see Barry nod or shake his head but does hear a confirming sound come from him. She makes quick work repairing the thick glasses, the splintered glass retiring to a perfect state even without any fingerprints on the surface. She picks them up and without thinking places them on Barry’s face. When she does this, he finally looks up to her. He looks as well as she expected, dark circles under his eyes, his usually pail but lively completion now a shade lighter, and just an overall look of someone who hasn’t taken care of themselves at all for two days. He gives a half-hearted smile when they make brief eye contact, but quickly looks back down to his hands afterwards. Lup sighs dramatically and sits down next to Barry leaning into his side, hoping that he will be able to let something out with her there. His shoulders do relax slightly with the contact, but he doesn’t lean back into her.

“do you want to talk about it?” Lup says hoping not to over step any unseen boundaries “ya don’t have to if you don’t want to my dude”

Barry is quiet for some time, as if he is either gathering his thoughts or deciding to through Lup out or not. Lup is patient though, not wanting to rush the situation. When Barry does finally speak in his unusually timid tone it almost startles her “did you kill anyone before all of this? Ya-ya know back home?”

Lup thinks for a moment, carefully deciding her words “yea a few people... Sometmime Bandits attacked the caravans Taako and I lived on. A few times I had to Kill people while not on the road, mostly people trying to take advantage of a couple of elves down on their luck. It was all self-preservation though, we never did it unless we really had to. Ya know?”

Barry nods before asking again “when was the first time? How old were you?”

Lup shifts uncomfortably. She really didn’t like thinking about this part of her life, but she can see why Barry needs to know this. She isn’t stupid, and she knows Barry won’t care no matter what she tells him, but those logical thoughts don’t make it any easier to say it “forty two, close to don’no twenty years in human time. Somewhere around there.”

“almost exactly the same age then.” Barry lets out a half chuckle “if you count the years here though.”

Lup nods understanding what Barry is saying without saying it outright.  She remembers the first person she killed down to the moment, how it felt, almost every detail, and how it wrecked her when it happened.  She understands what Barry is going through completely. She wants to tell him it gets easier, that when he picks up his wand again he won’t feel the spell coursing through his veins like a wildfire.  She wants to tell him that that asshole guard disserved it, and that he didn’t have a choice; it was either them or the guard. But she knows that those words will ring hallow. Logic doesn’t matter in this situation, it is against every fiber of a human’s being to kill, and Barry with his huge heart cannot bare this horrible act by itself.

“I-I know its dumb,” Barry speaks up breaking Lup out of her thoughts “I know that everyone here is going to be gone in a matter of months anywise… but that doesn’t make it…”

Barry’s thought trails off at the end as he loses his words. Lup just sits her shoulder pressed to his side. She knows everyone on the ship must have gone through his at one point or another, weather it their first time is on this journey or before it; she knows that everyone has dealt with this pain, but there is something different knowing that it is happening to Barrold here and now.  She hates seeing him in such pain, it makes her heart ache so much it nearly takes the breath out of her, but she doesn’t show that now. Right now, Barry needed her to be strong and to be an anchor so she is.

Lup stays with Barry for the rest of the cycle. She makes sure he eats and takes at least some care of himself.  She doesn’t want to baby him but does try to at least make sure he is functioning at some basic level, and that he doesn’t hurt himself. She explains to the rest of the Starblaster crew, and they all understand, and try to help as much as they can, but Barry might as well have died during this cycle with how little he interacts with everyone. The feeling of him being gone is there too, but in a different way than the few times he has died during other cycles.

 Barry acts differently from that day on, he becomes more analytical and stays in his head more. He becomes more of a scientist, taking in information of each world they visit and analyzing it before he allows himself to open up to it.  He becomes colder, though a cooler Barry is still warmer than half the population of any given planet, but the Starblaster crew notice it. He is less naïve, though they couldn’t say that is a good thing; with Barry it was like a child finding out something they have beloved in all their life is wrong.  

Though by the end of the century of running Lup doesn’t cares, No one cares that Barry changed.  hey all are nearly unrecognizable from where they started a hundred years ago (well not literally at least). Barry was just one of them that changed the most, Going of that of a functional shut-in to that of one of the most powerful necromancers to exist in any dimension. From that of a general love for all, to a person who loves seven people more then all of the planes of existence combined.

By the end, Barry is still the lover but in a different way than when he started. Though he never lost that generalized love for everything and everyone, he learned to temper it, to understand how to control it so that it doesn’t destroy him completely. He knows that hate isn’t the opposite of love, but, for how cliché it is, they are two sides of the same coin. Barry has loved and hated more than any other man can or can because of his time during the century, and that is what makes Barry Bluejeans, Barry Bluejeans, he is in ever since the lover, and the world is better for it.

 


End file.
